"Former"...I Like The Way That Sounds:)

     Party Peoples!!! I have some news: I have officially retired from the sport of competition track and field, and I couldn't be happier with my decision.
     It all started December 2013...actually, if I'm being honest, it had started long before then. In the first week of December, I learned that my Nike contract would not be extended for the following year. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. While I didn't put up any big scores, I had qualified for the World Championships Team in Moscow, Russia, and I thought that that would have been enough to entice Nike to keep me as an athlete. Well, I was wrong. My initial thoughts were: "This is going to be ok. Everything happens for a reason." "God is in this. He will provide a way." And a more glaring concern was: "I've got mouths to feed!! How will I support my pet rats!!!" After I calmed myself down, I prayed. I prayed that God would put it on another shoe company's heart to pick me up or that I would win the lottery. While my agent contacted the other shoe companies, I had a lot of time to think about what my next steps would be. Would I get a contract to make it easy to train and not work? What happens if I don't get a contract? Do I even want a new contract? When I sat down and really thought about it, I did not have any answers to these questions.
     Whenever the thought of not training popped into my head, I would burst into tears. I mean, I've been doing this for the last 15 years of my life. My goal was to become an Olympian, and the thought of abandoning that goal was too much to take in. I wondered where God was in all this. I knew He was present, but I didn't know what He was doing. It seemed as though He was taking me in the exact opposite direction of where I thought He was leading. I had shared the Gospel countless times through my words and actions in competition. Wasn't that enough to keep me in the sport and to provide a way? Confusion, anger, doubt, and sadness were only a few of the emotions I felt toward God, but the words of Romans 8:28 would not leave my mind. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." I love how that verse says "in all things", not most things or certain things, but all things. So that apparently meant that not getting my contract renewed was going to work for my good.
     About two weeks after the news of no contract, my agent informed me that no shoe companies were showing interest, blow #2. I knew I did not want to work full time and train full time, so after this news, I didn't see how training could continue. I left for Miami for Christmas the following morning and  resolved to be still and know that God was God (Psalm 46:10, my favorite verse!). I was going to be with family and my stepmother, Hannah, who is one of the wisest women I know in addition to radiating Christ's love in everything she does. I decided that instead of speculating on what God was trying to show me, I would quiet my heart and mind and let Him lead me. As I did this, I became more and more at peace with retiring and stopping my training. I think my quest to become an Olympian had turned into staying that journey simply because it was the only journey I knew. My priorities have been changing the past year or so, and the prospect of starting a new career was looking better and better. After two weeks with my family, I flew home and had the best of the best conversations with Cliff Rovelto. He made me feel at peace with where my heart was leaning, and I made the decision to stop training. When I said the words out loud, it felt as though a weight had been lifted. I knew then that that was the right decision.
     So what am I doing now?? Well, I've always said my dream job would be to move to Atlanta and open up an activities center for at risk youth. It seems rather general, but you get the picture. Due to meeting a wonderful man, I am doing my best to stay in Manhattan and pursue my passion in youth development. It has not been easy trying to remain patient in this job search, and Lord knows I've grown weary, but there is one thing I know: while God will give me more than I can handle, He will not leave me and will provide the strength and wisdom to endure. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)
     Lastly, I want to sincerely thank any and everyone who has supported me all these years throughout my training. You will never know just how much you helped me. I've had a great career, and had a blast every day of it. I'm excited for what's to come and cannot wait to see where God will use me.

Psalm 23:3

"He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name sake." -Psalm 23:3

He leads me: God leads me. I don't lead Him; He is the one in control. I recently read the book, "The Good Life" by Trip Lee, and one point that really struck me was my misperception of faith. While I don't like to admit it, I really think faith is believing that God will give me what I want. I know He promises to supply all my needs, but I like to interpret "needs" to include "wants and desires" too. So when God doesn't deliver my dreams, goals, etc., I see that as a flaw in His faithfulness to me. I'm leading and asking Him to follow. It doesn't work that way. God calls me to take up my cross (die to myself) and follow Him in whatever way that may look like and wherever that may lead. But He does tell us where that may lead.

leads me in paths of righteousness: God leads me in paths of holiness and maturity. It doesn't say "He  leads me to paths of comfort, prosperity, or on the path I think I should take." He leads me on paths that will form me more into the image of His Son. And guess what happens when we reflect the Son of God? We have joy, not temporary and unsatisfying happiness, but true joy. God is about my joy. These paths that I see as pure struggle and full of tears and discomfort are leading me to a place where I will be fully satisfied in a good God. Now that is encouraging! And outside of my joy, what is the reason for my makeover process?

for His name sake: God is about His glory. 1 Corinthians 10:31 gives us a clear picture of what we are to do in this world: give glory to God. The sole reason, my ONLY purpose in this life is to glorify God. God is about His own glory. because there is nothing greater, nothing more lovely, nor more sovereign than Himself. If He were about the glory of something greater than Himself, He wouldn't be God.

So God leads me on paths that will lead to my ultimate joy and fulfillment in life, so He can allow me to  do my one and only purpose of glorifying the God of the universe. Pretty cool.

"Feelings" about God

"We're moved by how we feel, so we're saved when we feel like it, so technically, we've never really been saved. We've merely tried it. So no wonder why we're never souled out when we return it after we buy it." - Ezekiel Azonwu (poet)

    I was at small group last night when one girl candidly asked our facilitator, "Do you feel close to God?" I immediately felt a passion stir inside of me because I think our closeness to God, His position to us, cannot be decided based on our "feelings".
    I've been sick the past few days, so my days have been filled with laying around watching movies, messing around on my computer, and other sorts of mindless activities. Outside of some bible reading, I was neglecting my relationship with God and serving my own desires. I was experiencing some convictions about this and wanted to repent in order to come close to God again. My prayer started off with a lot of "I feel distant...I feel... I think..." I caught all these "I" statements and had to chuckle at myself because it doesn't matter how I feel because there are truths that God declares of me and my relationship with Him. I allowed myself to finish my "feeling" statements but only after assuring myself that they would be followed up by God's Word and His truth. In John 14, Jesus is talking with His disciples about His looming betrayal and death. He then encourages them, saying that God will grant them the Holy Spirit: "he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever--the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." Did you catch that? The Holy Spirit lives in me, dwells in me. This helper, advocate, encourager, counselor, comforter resides in my very being. With that truth, one might dare to say that we are forever close with God.
      "There are certain things that are true whether you know it or not. They are true whether you believe it or not. They are true whether you like it or not. They're true." (Frank Perreti, NY Times best selling author). I often reflect on this quote whenever I don't "feel" close to God because it allows me to blot out lies I may tell myself and rewrite them with truth. Romans 1:25 says, "They exchanged the truth about God for a lie..."How often do we do this in our lives? Rely on own own limited perception of things and start to form opinions about the God of the universe and his goodness or lack thereof in our lives. For me, it happens all too frequently.
     I suppose in all of this, I'm not saying that our feelings don't hold weight or should be cast aside. I am moreso stressing that things are not always as they appear. I think that God is always close to us, but there are many times that we do not acknowledge His presence. Maybe our lives are too busy or our worlds too loud. Whatever it is, God always whispers to us. Sometimes we just need to stop and listen.

Go For It

     I tend to ponder the meaning of life quite often or at least the motivations for living the way that I do. Am I living in a purposeful manner? Am I squandering opportunities that could lead to making a difference? Am I making this life worth it? We get 80ish years on this Earth to exist, and I want mine to count.
     Due to simply being lazy, I've been putting off blogging for a lot of months, but something recently caught my eye that compelled me to put my share my thoughts. I was doing my tri-annual dentist checkup and caught a glimpse of my teeth x-ray.

Now, seeing your own skeleton can bring up many emotions, most rather morose, but for me, it was different. I remember thinking, "Wow...that will be me one day, and this life will be all over." I would like to think that I have another 60 or so years to my existence, but in all seriousness, I could die tomorrow, and that would be it. What am I doing with these precious moments I am given. In the end, all we have are moments; nothing more, nothing less.
     As many of you know, I attempted to make my first Olympic Team this past summer. I've never wanted something so bad in life, nor have I ever worked so hard for one thing. In the many months leading up to the Trials, I made sure to make every day count. I had an imaginary checklist in my head and can honestly say that I could cross off everyday in regards to working hard and getting better. That being said, I did everything in my power to make my dreams come true. I never stopped believing. However, in the end, it seems as though all of those efforts were futile. But aren't we glad that things are not always as they "seem"? Yes, I was heartbroken, and no, no words can describe seeing your dreams fall through your hands when you most wanted them to come to fruition. The fact of the matter is that the character I grew, the joy I was granted, and the peace that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord still lay on my heart regardless of the outcome of those Trials. I've always heard the quote, "It's not the destination, but the journey", and until this year, I never knew how true that quote really was. It would have been majorly awesome to have gone to London this past summer, but I didn't, and that's life. You can work your butt off for something, sacrifice everything for that one thing, and in the end, you may not get what you wanted, but that's not what's truly important. I dared greatly, I risked everything, I threw caution to the wind, and sailed on, and for me, I can rest on that. I can rest on knowing that I lived for something bigger than myself, and I went for it. To me, that's what life is about: going for it. There are so many people who played it safe and are living with regrets and will eventually die with those same regrets weighing on their heart. So I invite you, timid souls, take a chance, make a fool out of yourself, and make your life matter. 80ish years, people! That's all you get and then it will be over; no do-overs, no second chances. Go for it.

My Take on Deut 4:23-24

Roomie Praise Report

Hey Party Peoples!! So God's pretty amazing in how He works stuff out. It all started in Octoberish when I was in the market for a new roomie. I was ubber excited for the new person God had in store for me, so I did a craigslist ad while in Florida on vacation. I just wanted to get the ball rolling because I'm the planner type. I received a lot of responses and had many appointments set up upon my return back to Kansas. Due to the huge response, I was able to be very selective in who I wanted. I finally picked this guy who seemed perfect. He was youngish, chill like me, and appeared to be a good guy. In my mind, I was like, "That was easy ::hit 'Easy' button::" Having that little detail worked out, I was able to concentrate on my training and life in general with no worry or care. Hooray!
Training was going fabulously, and I was all smiles. I felt like that baby in "Baby's Day Out", for nothing could go wrong in my world (this reference was taken from Tina Fey's utterly awesome book, "Bossy Pants"). December came around, and I left for Florida to begin my glorious Christmas vacay. Nice weather, latinos, and family--what could be better?? A couple days into my vacation, I received an email from my future roomie explaining that something suddenly came up, and he could not live with me in two weeks in January. The funny thing about this was that I don't think I was alarmed at all. It was one of those moments where something goes so wrong that you know God's will must be afoot. I literally thought to myself, "Ok God, I guess you tryna show out here. Let's go!" Leading up to this point, I was having major trust issues with God. I liked to describe it that way. After having a not so stellar track season, I was a little skeptical of God's plan for my life. I knew He was sovereign and good, but I could not quiet my heart's doubtful rumblings. Nevertheless, I was praying for opportunities to build my trust (scary prayer). Anyway, back to the email: So when I read it, I immediately told myself, "Bettie. God's got you. Don't worry. God will work this all out whatever that may be." I vowed that day that no matter how things appeared, I was going to commit to trusting that God would work this situation out. From the get-go, I told myself that God was an 11:59 kind of guy, meaning He won't come early, but He'll always be on time.
With the my new deal/sit, I posted another ad on craigslist. Again, I received a lot of responses, however, people didn't take too well to the fact that I wouldn't be back in town for another week and a half and at that time there would only be 3 days before the lease started. I would have great convo, and then that person would peter out, over and over again. All the while though, God was faithful in giving me peace with the whole situation. At one point, I was talking to my loverly step-mom and said that I felt like I should be freaking out, but I wasn't and that that was weird. Yeah, that was def God giving me peace and not myself at that point.
So about 3 days before my Kansas return, I was in correspondence with some dude who was mad cool. Things appeared like they would work out, and I was like, "Yay!" in my mind. All the while, with every person I came in contact with, I would just pray that God kept His hand on the situation and above all else, His will be done even if that meant not finding a roomie for another month or so. So I thought this guy was the one, and I was doing happy dances all over the place. Only small problem was that he couldn't come see the place until the weekend ie the day before the new lease started. Bummer, but it was what it was. On Dec 28, I headed back to good ol' Kansas. During my layover in Dallas, I got an email from a new dude about the room. I was excited about the other dude, but I called the new guy and set up a showing for the following morning. New guy came over the next morning and was like, "This is perfect. I'll move in on Sunday." I said, "Cool", and that I would send him landlord info. As soon as he walked out the front door, I did about a 50sec celebratory dance in my hallway. When I tell, you I lost it, I straight up did. I was doing the dougie, running man, cabbage patch. Shoooooooot!! But here's the motha motha catch that makes this amazing! Dude is in military and has a wife and kids in Texas. He works 24hr shifts for a week straight (24hr on, 24hr off, and so on), and then goes home to Texas for 2ish weeks!! Whaaaaaat!!!!! How much more perfect can this be! AND!!! he owns like nothing, He's using my air mattress because I felt bad that he would be on the floor. I've seen him one day since he moved in on Jan 1.
LITERALLY God showed out! I can't imagine a better situation in this Olympic year. I just couldn't believe how well everything worked out. Moral of the story: God is sick amazing. Needless to say, I'm trusting God more and more each day and am just so happy about how things are right now in my life. Yay God, yay His grace, yay Him in my life:D

Hope Series: Fight of My Life

My dear sister, Patty aka Patrice, gave me a "Hope" journal for my birthday. Two great things about this gift: I love to journal, and I've been struggling with keeping the faith lately. I decided to write ever so freely in this journal. If it has spiritual undertones, it does, and if it doesn't, then it won't. As I see fit, I will include some entries that I feel might touch others. I thought this one might. Here goes:

Hope gives me air to breathe. Life's events can punch you like a boxer until you fall on the ground. Blow by blow, to the ribcage, to the arms, the stomach. You can only block for so long. Just as you gasp for a small breathe of air, a glance of hope, that's when life takes its final hit, and you are sent sprawling to the mat. In and out of consciousness you struggle with your reality. You don't know what's up and what's down, your left from your right. Just as you are about to throw in the towel and succumb to your opposing boxer, you feel a little spark of energy from within. A glimmer of hope awakens your senses. You realize that it's not time to give up. It's not time to admit defeat. You are not powerless yet--You still have hope. As the referee is doing the count, you slowly rise to your feet. With your spirits, your arms start to raise. And as you get into position, the bell rings.

Yeah, that's how I feel right now. I rose from being down. I know I have rounds to go. I know the fight isn't over, But I'm ready. I'm resting and preparing, so that when the bell rings, I will be ready to fight. No more playing defense. I'm taking on the world and all that this life has to offer. I'm so used to being defeated. I'm so used to being down. But I don't like it. I don't want to be down for the count anymore. I want to stand. My resilience amazes me. I took a helluva lot of punches. Some will leave permanent bruises. So what. The thing that matters most is that I got up. I am up. And I'm ready for another round. Yeah, life's gonna hit hard, sometimes harder than in the previous rounds but I'm ready for it. I'm ready to fight.